Practicing Connection

How to Grow Your Courage for Collaboration

• OneOp • Episode 63

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Collaboration takes more than skills and schedules—it takes the courage to step outside your comfort zone with other people.

Bravery isn’t just about big, dramatic moments—it also shows up in everyday choices, like meeting someone new, stepping into an unfamiliar space, or staying curious when you feel uncomfortable. In this episode, Jessica and Erin explore how to build everyday courage for collaboration, using skills like curiosity, empathy, and intellectual humility.

Drawing on the Greater Good Science Center’s Bridging Differences Playbooks, Erin shares a practice called “Expand Your Views & Circles” to help you gently stretch your comfort zone, meet new people, and grow your relational bravery over time. You’ll walk away with simple, practical steps you can take to be just a little braver in your community and your work.


LinkedIn Practice:

Practice Everyday Bravery

Think about where you feel most “at home” in your community or workplace. This week, choose one small way to step just outside that comfort zone—attend a new event, introduce yourself to someone you don’t usually talk to, or join a group you’ve been curious about.

After you try it, reflect: What felt uncomfortable? What surprised you? What did you learn about yourself or others?


Links and resources from this episode:

JESSICA BECKENDORF: [00:00:00] Hello. Thanks so much for listening to the Practicing Connection Podcast. I'm Jessica. Today we'll be talking about everyday bravery and how to build your courage, and Erin's gonna be sharing a practice with us. Hi Erin, how are you?

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Hi Jessica. I'm great. I've been brushing up on my bravery knowledge this week to prepare for this episode because I'm trying to not assume I know everything. And it has me very excited about being uncomfortable.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, that's not a sentence that I hear very often, especially as someone who brings improv into my work with groups, but even just on a day-to-day basis, I'd say that statement is pretty rare.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Yeah. I am surprised it's coming out of my mouth to be honest, but I think, you know, learning about bravery has made me excited because that's, you're gonna talk about this later, but that's kind of where you can build it. It is being uncomfortable, so it's exciting.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: All right, [00:01:00] well let's get into it. Why are we talking about bravery today? That sounds like I'm accusing you of something.

I'll say that a little softer. Why are we talking about bravery today, Erin?

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Well, it's kind of your fault. and lovingly. Just kidding. I mean, it is. I love it. Inspired by you. That's better than saying it's your fault. We've been talking about two things a lot recently. One is collaboration and two is your very favorite framework, the VIA character strengths. 

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yes, I do love it.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: For good reasons. I'm learning. The more I dig, the more I'm like, “Oh, this is actually very interesting. I get it, Jessica.”

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I knew you'd like it.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: I knew it. Okay. So we've been sharing lots of different practices for building your collaboration skills. You can check out our episodes on conflict and intellectual humility. We can probably link those in the show notes. 

And all of the things that we've been talking about in terms of collaboration skills are things that require courage, and require you [00:02:00] to do things that are maybe uncomfortable.

And I've been thinking a lot about how feeling uncourageous is maybe a barrier to working in collaboration with others. And so I've been really asking myself the question, “How do you build your courage?”

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Hmm. Just knowing what I know about the character strengths, you know, when you're not feeling courageous. It's hard to be vulnerable. And vulnerability is also a requirement for any collaboration, for any relationship. So I love, as you might imagine, I love this idea of building courage.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Yeah, me too. I think there's something very optimistic about the idea that you don't have to be perfect at everything. That you can grow. 

And still learn and do things. So I did a little searching and found some really excellent resources from the Greater Good Science Center. Specifically, they have published several Bridging Differences playbooks that I really love, because they're [00:03:00] not explaining things to you, they're giving practices to try on things.

And it's all about how do you build bridges with people who are different than you? How do you navigate tensions, which I think is a huge part of the collaboration work that we've been talking about. So we'll also link these playbooks in the show notes, and we'll be going through one of the practices they recommend later in the episode.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, I'm excited to dig into this. Erin, can you tell us a little bit more about the practice you'll be sharing and why you chose it?

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Yes. Well, I started this whole process by looking into courage generally, and interestingly, the VIA Character Strengths describe courage, not as a specific strength, but as a category of several strengths of virtue, and you practice it with the skills of bravery, perseverance, honesty, and zest. 

Sadly, we're only talking about bravery today, because there's not enough time to talk about all four of them.

But someday we'll circle back to [00:04:00] perseverance, honesty, and zest, because they're fabulous. So bravery is, we're talking about bravery specifically because it's a skill about acting, even when you're afraid.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Mm-hmm. You know, I've actually often been told, actually just this last weekend again, in fact, that I am brave.

So people were, there's something called strength spotting. So people have, over my life, done strength spotting with me where they've told me that I'm brave. What's funny though is I don't really think of myself as brave. But I have told people that often to me, the kind of risk that I'm taking is worth the reward.

So it's about acting even when you're afraid. So that I'm not like going into things fearless, because I have had people say, you know, “You seem so fearless,” which is so funny to me because I am not fearless. Not even a little bit.

I am full of all kinds of fears, but I do [00:05:00] do things despite my fears. But when I'm told that I'm being brave, I think a lot of people think of bravery as like really big moments, really big acts. Like, “Oh, that person showed so much bravery when they went and helped somebody who was just in that accident, it was fiery and they pulled them out.” 

It can be those moments. It certainly is those moments. But when I've been told I'm brave, it has not been about things like that. It's been about things that I might call, like, “social bravery,” like being willing to talk to someone that I've never met, or cold calling or networking, or even just trying new things and enjoying the ride.

And you know, I know that bravery and zest are stronger strengths for me in that whole VIA classification, but they're not my top five. I think zest is in my top seven. Which would be more related to sort of enjoying the ride or the adventure, or pushing through your fears, because there's an adventure, or because it represents some sort of newer novel thing.

But [00:06:00] when people think of bravery, I think many of them think of people like firefighters or soldiers showing bravery in the line of duty. And it can be so much more than that.

That was a lot I just gave you.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: You did give me a lot, and I love that you're so enthusiastic about this, because it means I do less of the explaining. And you hit on one of the things that I really wanted to talk about, which is, bravery has multiple components. There's that very physical bravery of running into a burning building like a firefighter does. That is very brave. 

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yes.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: We're not saying that that's not bravery.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I'm not sure that that's the kind of bravery I would exhibit. Right.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Yeah.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I haven't been in that situation.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Yeah. I mean, same. I haven't been in that situation. I don't like to speculate. I certainly know that I don't have the training to do that without, I don't know, there being my kid there or something, you know? 

But I think the most important thing to get at here is not asking yourself whether or not you'd run into a burning building. [00:07:00] But recognizing that bravery isn't just running into a burning building, it's also taking a risk in a social setting.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Mm-hmm. 


ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: It's also taking a risk, even intellectually, we talked about this in our episode where we talked about intellectual humility, right? That's a risk to say, “Maybe I'm wrong.” So I think there's a lot of ways that you can be brave.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: And vulnerability is brave.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Yeah.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Right.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Yeah, exactly. And I think we're talking today specifically more about relational bravery or intellectual bravery. Because I think people talk about that less.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Yeah. I think also, you know, when I was trying to decide what practice to bring to the table today, I was thinking about, “Okay, how do we help people continue to take actions even when they're scared?”

Because that's what bravery is, right? But I don't want people going out there terrifying themselves or making themselves scared.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: We [00:08:00] don't need to be adrenaline junkies either, right? 

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Exactly. And you know, maybe some people want to practice their bravery by going on, I don't know, something safe enough, like a rollercoaster. And maybe that is helpful for them. Maybe that's helpful for training their body. 

But today I want to talk about training your social discomfort muscles, because what we know about discomfort is, it can feel a lot like fear. And so if you train yourself to continue taking actions, to continue choosing to do things when you're uncomfortable, your brain can kind of help you remember that when you're afraid too.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Oh, this is really interesting. Well, let's get started.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Sure. So the practice I'm sharing today is called Expand Your Views and Circles. Specifically, it's very much influenced by the Greater Good Guide I mentioned earlier, and I added some bits, because we always add some bits here.

And it's designed by the [00:09:00] Greater Good Science Center to help you build your relational bravery, using curiosity, intellectual humility, patience, and empathy. Which is a lot of little buzzwords, but we're going to dig into it, and it's going to be fun. 

So step one is you start by noticing your own activities. We're thinking here about a community that you're a part of. So where do you feel most at home in your community? Who do you tend to spend time with? What perspectives dominate your conversations?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Now, Erin, could that be a community of interest, a community of geography? What kind of community are you talking about?

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Any community you're a part of, I think. Many people may find it helpful to think about the community that they do work in or with. But it is also helpful I think if you don't have a lot of free time in your working hours that you can allocate however you want.

Sometimes it's more helpful to think about your personal life, like [00:10:00] what is the community you live in, and you can do this practice either in your personal life or in your work life. And either community will benefit from you doing the practice.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Okay. So step one was noticing your activities.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Mm-hmm. 

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Let's go into step two.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Yep. Step two is to consider how you can intentionally step outside of your comfort zone and meet new individuals you don't regularly connect with. 

When I first tried to think of how I could do that, I got really stuck. I was like, “Well, I work for a university, so I can go to just literally any part of campus and I'm allowed to be there.”

And then I recognized that not everybody works for university. So I did a little bit of brainstorming for you about ways you can meet new ideas and people and environments. One place to consider is your public library. A lot of public libraries have free community classes, and you can learn about [00:11:00] people who care about stuff that you don't care about.

And they're intending it to be informational, so they don't expect you to come in agreeing with them, which can be a really helpful first step. Local community centers also similarly have a lot of programming like that. 

Another one that I love, because I'm from Milwaukee, is does your community have any street festivals that you've never been to? Milwaukee is somewhat notorious for having a festival every weekend, almost all year round. 

Is anybody hosting a book club? There's a bar in my city that hosts a monthly book club, and they bring somebody from an organization who comes and leaves a discussion about a book, about a topic that maybe you've never encountered before.

Is there someone in your community asking for volunteers? Can you go build houses, or clean up water, or just do something with people who care about something that maybe isn't on your radar at all? 

And then one that is a little less out there, and a little bit less group, if you're an [00:12:00] introvert and you're like, “I can't handle a group yet,” is to come up with a coworker that you maybe know but haven't spent a lot of time with, and ask them if they'd be willing to eat lunch with you.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah. I love that. And one of the ways we've talked about this in the past and it's something I think we could add to this list, has been thinking about maybe certain contexts that normally would be like, “Nah, that's not for me.” And maybe just dipping your toe in that water just a little bit to see, “Maybe it's still not for you, but you maybe will meet some really cool people in the end.” And kind of expand your horizon a little bit.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Yeah. I actively encourage you to find something that you think you'll be bad at.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yes. Right, right. Or, like one or something that maybe you're a little unsure of, right? Not necessarily, it doesn't have to scare you, but something that you're unsure of, like, “I don't know if that's for me, but I've never been to it, so I'm gonna try it.”

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Mm-hmm. Yes. That is a [00:13:00] great attitude. So step three is to go do the thing. It is probably the hardest step, but it's the most simple. You just go do the thing. 

So, some things to keep in mind as you're doing the thing. Your goal is to surround yourself in different ways of thinking, being, or doing. If you're uncomfortable, that's a good thing. It means you're doing it right. The goal is not to agree with everything you encounter. 

You don't have to like it, you don't have to feel positive about it. You just have to engage with it respectfully. And then I think this is actually the most important part. Don't come into whatever you're going to expecting to change people's minds, or criticizing where they're coming from. And this can be hard depending on where you grew up and what you're encountering.

It's like, “I don't know about this.” You know, I've certainly had internally very critical responses to things, but part of the practice is [00:14:00] not trying to change everybody else's mind about things. 

JESSICA BECKENDORF: And could I add to that really quick? I would also say don't try too hard to compare your experiences. Like, be a tourist. I mean that in the best sense of the word. 

Be a person who's there with curiosity. You don't need to connect your experiences with, you know, everyone else's experiences. Just learn from other people's experiences. Does that make sense for this activity?

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Yeah.

I personally would use the word ‘guest’ rather than tourist, because -

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yes, thank you. That's way better. I knew that it was not the right word.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Mm-hmm.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yes, guest.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Because tourists are notoriously rude no matter where you go, no matter where the tourists are from, everybody thinks tourists are rude. So I would say guest.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I mean, not the way I do touring around, but -

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Sure, sure.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: I think you're spot on that curiosity is really your best tool. Your best friend here, like be interested. 

Why do people like this? Why are they into this? Why might they think about this? What's [00:15:00] important to them? 

It may be appropriate for you to ask questions. It may not be appropriate for you to ask questions, so you can be curious even if you can't ask anybody why they think what they think.

And if you're asking somebody, “Why do you think that?” Don't say it like that.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Right? Please don't.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Maybe you could say, “Oh, I noticed this is really important to you. What made it so important to you?”

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Mm-hmm.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: You know, really think about if I'm being curious, am I doing it in a way that is critical when I'm asking that question out loud, or am I inviting them to share with me.

And we could have a whole episode about how to ask questions and not be a confrontational jerk, but we don't need to go into all of that now. I have learned the hard way, I'll just put it that way. 

And then step four is, after you've come back from the experience, and that is to just reflect on what went down. So [00:16:00] what, if anything, was comfortable about this new space, and did that surprise you? What, if anything, was uncomfortable about the new space and was it what you were expecting to make you uncomfortable? 

And then finally, what did you learn? Did anything change about your own perspective because of this experience?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Awesome. Thanks so much for guiding us through that, Erin. I think this is a super clear way to get outside that comfort zone without doing something dangerous.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: Mm-hmm. And like, that's really the challenge. It took me a while to find something, because practicing facing your fear in a way where I was like, I spiraled for a minute, I was like, “I don't know how to do this without people making risky behaviors.”

So this one felt like a really solid, relational, healthy way to do it. I will say one thing to keep in mind: as you do this exercise, the impact it's going to have on you [00:17:00] will depend on how much time and energy you spend on it. 

Ongoingly engaging in something in your community or in multiple different things in your community, if it's not something that has a repeating meeting, will have the most impact on your ability to navigate your own discomfort, and your ability to continue doing hard things when you're uncomfortable or afraid. 

It will also, the more you do it, the more you're going to love the parts of your community you don't know. So you're going to get what you put into it in this one.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, I just wish I lived in a city like Milwaukee that has so many festivals.

ERIN CARLSON RIVERA: You're welcome to visit anytime.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, that's it for this episode. Thanks so much for joining us. If you enjoyed this episode, click the share button in your podcast app to share it with a friend or a colleague. 

We'll be back next week with a new episode. Until then, keep practicing.

[00:18:00]


CREDITS: The Practicing Connection Podcast is a production of One-Op and is supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, US Department of Agriculture and the Office of Military Family Readiness Policy, US Department of Defense under award number 2 0 2 3 4 8 7 74 3 3.



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Jessica Beckendorf

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