Practicing Connection

Beyond Sleep: Four Kinds of Rest We All Need

• OneOp • Episode 52

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If you’re exhausted but time off hasn’t really helped, the problem might not be how much you rest, but what kind of rest you’re getting. 

This episode explores four different kinds of rest - physical, mental, emotional, and creative - and offers simple ways to notice what you actually need right now.

“Get more rest” is common advice, but it can feel discouraging when sleep or a day off doesn’t make a dent in your exhaustion. 

In this episode of Practicing Connection, Coral and Jessica unpack four different kinds of rest: physical rest for your body, mental rest from constant thinking and decision‑making, emotional rest from hosting and holding others’ feelings, and creative rest that gives you space to play and explore without being productive. 

Through real‑life examples and practical ideas, they invite you to notice which type of rest you might be craving and experiment with small, accessible ways to restore yourself in this season.

Further links and resources from this episode:

[00:00:00]

CORAL OWEN: Hey there. Thanks for listening to the Practicing Connection Podcast. I'm Coral, my co-host, Jessica is here as well, and today we are going to be talking about getting the rest you actually need. Jessica, how are you today?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I'm doing pretty good. As you know, we're recording this toward the end of the year. I found myself really needing to focus on rest, so, I'm looking forward to talking about this topic today. I think I've kind of self-inflicted an impossible to-do list during the holiday season this year.

And it's all stuff that I enjoy doing, but I cram it into the same week that I should be also resting and enjoying myself and time with my family. So, I mean, have you ever come back to work after a vacation and felt like you needed a vacation from your vacation?

CORAL OWEN: No, never. Yeah, Jess. All the time.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Oh, okay! I was like, “I need to learn from you!”

CORAL OWEN: All the time!

JESSICA BECKENDORF: But okay, so this also afflicts you.

CORAL OWEN: Oh yeah. No, there [00:01:00] are so many times, I mean, even if it's just not even like a big, chunky break, like, the holiday season, even if it's just sometimes like a long weekend or we've taken a short trip somewhere. Or even if it's just like a staycation at home, I'm like, “Oh, hmm, why am I so exhausted?  

So, yeah, sometimes it's just a wonder where that battery drain comes from. But no, that is so incredibly relatable. I think a lot of people probably feel the same way.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah. And it's really discouraging sometimes, like even more so if, quote, “get more rest” is the only advice or support that people offer when you share about how you're doing. 

So like that just kind of adds to that frustration when you're sharing about, you know, “Hey, I've got a lot on my plate.”

“Oh, well just say ‘no’ to more things.” Or, “Well, you should get some more rest. Oh, you should rest.”

So before I learned about different ways to rest, I would get resentful anytime someone told me to rest. So why should I rest if it doesn't [00:02:00] help? Because I'm taking time off right now and I'm feeling it with things I enjoy, but also it's like a long list of things.

So I know that I could say no to some of those things, but you know, it could also be that you don't need more rest, you just need a different kind of rest, and that's why I'm excited to talk about this today.

CORAL OWEN: That's really interesting. I honestly don't think I've ever thought about the different types of rest, but as I think, I'm just thinking through my mental catalog of instances. Like in memories in the past. It's like, yeah, I've definitely had, you know, sort of that classical recipe. 

We were like, “Get some rest.” And I'm like, “Oh yeah, I'll catch up on some sleep or go sit on the beach for a little extra time.” But I think there are different seasons of life or different spaces where we're in different roles and we can't necessarily just unplug. 

There's a lot more activity or different types of ways we're moving through life, so I am actually very excited to learn more about what you're going to be walking us through today.[00:03:00]

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, you know, I think often when we talk about rest, we think about sleeping more, or sitting and doing nothing. Maybe reading, this is a kind of rest.

But maybe the part of you that needs rest isn't your body. Maybe you need to rest your brain or you need to take a break from being productive, which is the loop I'm in right now, right?

So I'm doing things I enjoy, but I have this need to be productive. It isn't always intuitive to figure out what kind of rest you need. 

So I'm going to be walking through four different kinds of rest for each type. We're going to have a short explanation of what it is, and a few ideas for how to try out that type of rest.

So we're kind of doing this a little different. Normally, we like to talk a little bit, and then we have a specific practice, but we're actually going to go through a type of rest and then we're going to talk about how you can try that out, and then we'll go into the next type.

CORAL OWEN: That sounds great, and again, I'm very, very much looking forward to this because it's such a [00:04:00] salient and I think very ubiquitous topic to explore this time of year.

Is there anything, Jessica, that we should be listening for in particular as you're walking us through these practices today or types of things you're unpacking?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah, that's a really good question. So I would say that as you listen, I would encourage you to look for what sounds exciting or interesting that can often be a sign that that's something you're craving right now.

CORAL OWEN: That sounds good. I'm gonna file that away. Do you want to kick things off?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah. So, the first kind of rest is one that most people are going to be familiar with, and that's physical rest. That's often the first type of rest we think of when someone says we should get more rest. 

So this kind of rest can look lots of different ways, but it typically deals with sleep, stillness, or letting your body physically recover.

The goal is to give your body time to heal or restore its energy. So, signs you might need physical [00:05:00] rest are things like trouble staying awake, a general fatigue, consistent headaches, tight muscles, or being sore or achy. Some ways to get physical rest are to, the obvious, take a nap or let yourself sleep in or sleep a little bit longer.

Wear comfortable clothes and lounge. That's a great way to get this kind of rest, clearly from the energy behind that. That's one of my favorite ways - is just to throw on some uncomfortable clothes and lounge. Or you could take a slow walk or do gentle stretches to help relax your body.

And drinking water without doing other tasks at the same time is another way to get this kind of rest. And one thing that people don't always think about when it comes to physical rest is giving yourself a break from overstimulating things like screens, bright lights, loud sounds and dramatic temperatures.

Consider dimming your lights, putting [00:06:00] down your screens for 10 to 20 minutes and giving your body a break from stimulation. The one exception that I have to this is sometimes, I really enjoy those sound baths, and I'll go to YouTube when I'm going to take a little break like this.

I'll go to YouTube first, which we're trying to tell you, put down your screens, but I'll go to YouTube and I'll find one of these sound bath videos. I'll turn that on, and often those sound baths will, like, they'll dim their own screen and they'll go dark after a little. I don't watch it. I just listen, you know, I close my eyes and listen. 

CORAL OWEN: Yeah, those are a lot of great suggestions. and I think too, one of the things that comes to mind is sometimes I have a tendency to stay up maybe a little longer than I should. So also back, you know, walking that time to bed backwards rather than like, okay, say you can't sleep in, can you go to bed a little earlier too?

But those are all wonderful suggestions. What is the second type of rest that you're going to take us through?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah. This might be the second most thought of type I [00:07:00] would say: mental rest. You know, this is taking a break from thinking - tasks like problem solving or meetings or answering emails, answering text messages quickly, switching between contexts, or constantly keeping track of time, right.

Taking a break from those kinds of things. The main goals of this kind of rest are mental quiet, which sounds lovely when I say that. Just those two words together. Mental. Quiet.

And space to stop paying attention or remembering. And I would even say permission to stop paying attention or having to remember something.

Some signs that you might need mental rest are maybe you're having a hard time making decisions. You're having a hard time understanding what people are saying when they're saying it. You're struggling to initiate tasks, or you keep forgetting something important.

And this is a common type of rest. Mental rest is a common type of rest needed by parents, managers and people who work with [00:08:00] ideas or relationships. But obviously we all need a little bit of mental rest sometimes, right? 

And a few ways to get this type of rest: I schedule a chunk of time where you can just default your decisions, reread or rewatch something familiar and enjoyable, or you could track time by how the sun changes, instead of maybe your phone, or by listening to a playlist or an album instead of setting a timer. So there's just a few examples.

There's probably a lot of other ideas for taking mental rest as well. It's just kind of trying to give you a taste, find what works for you.

CORAL OWEN: Those are all such key things. And I think a lot of times, and I'm just going to speak for myself here, I think so many of us are so accustomed to operating at such a high operational tempo and cadence and just being on overdrive. 

One of the other things too that come to mind here is, just talking about deep work. [00:09:00] There's so many just things that we're keeping a touch point on day to day. That a lot of times that task switching is what sends me in personally, into the sort of just overload space where I find that, sometimes it's even hard to realize that you need that mental brain break.

But yeah, this is a great suggestion list. Thank you.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, let's go into emotional rest next. So I think the first two, the physical rest and the mental rest, were two that I think we most often would think of when we're thinking of rest. But emotional rest is also a thing. 

So this can look like not having to hide your own emotions, or help others process or carry their emotions. It can also be a break from having to be ‘on’ as a host or a leader, or just having to be on a break from just having to be on period. If you're in a helping profession, or you work in a highly formal setting, this might be a form of rest that you need. 

One of the main goals of emotional [00:10:00] rest is having space to be your authentic self without having to be a caretaker for someone else. So some of the signs that you might need emotional rest are maybe you've got lots of resentment when people ask you for help, or you're feeling overwhelmed by your feelings. Maybe you're irritable or you want to pick fights over small things. You start, you know, yelling at people in traffic or thinking of yelling at them. Like sometimes that's what I do. I don't say it out loud, but I think it. 

One thing going wrong might ruin your whole day. So that's another sign that you might need emotional rest, or maybe you feel like no one actually knows you. And so some ideas for getting this type of rest: maybe schedule time with a friend who knows you really well.

Schedule some blackout hours where you don't answer your phone or email. Maybe schedule some buffer times between formal or high stakes situations so that you can prepare [00:11:00] yourself mentally and emotionally, and so that you can kind of debrief with yourself mentally and emotionally after.

CORAL OWEN: Just take some space. That's a great one. Jessica, is there a fourth?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah. The next one is Creative rest. So this is actually, rather than, it's not about taking a break from creativity. This is about space to try new things without needing to be productive. 

So a lot of us might be in jobs that require a little bit of creativity. Many people are, even if they don't think of it that way. Anytime you have to do problem solving or, you know, any kind of creation of programming or whatever, that is creative work.

But a lot of people don't think of it that way. But that's also being productive. And so this is about the space to try new things, about having to be productive. So this type of rest is especially important for people who are starting new things.

People who are doing creative or problem solving work, some signs that you might need this type of [00:12:00] rest are maybe, you're jealous of someone else who is trying fun new things. Maybe you're not enjoying things that you used to love doing. You can't name a single thing in your life that you don't have smart goals for.

Or maybe you're bored or irritated, maybe you dream about quitting your job to join the circus or start a business, or to live alone in the woods. Those are just a few signs that you might need creative rest. 

And here's some examples of what you can do to get this kind of rest. Maybe you could explore something that you're curious about without an end goal. So just go down a rabbit hole. Or, you don't have to have a goal in mind. Just be curious. You could play without pressure to be good at what you're doing.

You don't have to become skillful at something - you can just play. Maybe trying out a new sport or trying out a new hobby just for [00:13:00] fun. Not having to be perfect at it. Not having to suddenly become good and then monetize it or whatever that is, like, just do it for fun.

CORAL OWEN: That's such a fun one to end on. What, just for giggles, Jess, what's something that you would spend your creative rest time on?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I do a lot of things. I often like to joke that I am a - this actually took the pressure off quite a bit: a long time ago, I decided that my favorite hobby is learning new things and taking on new hobbies, and trying those hobbies out once. And then putting that away sometimes for many years. 

So I, a long time ago, I used to buy, like I used to think I was gonna be like a wood carver or whatever, and I would buy all of the materials for being a wood carver. And then I would maybe make something once. And usually it was beautiful and I was proud of it and I loved it, but then I wouldn't want to pick up the tools or anything again. 

And so I really [00:14:00] reframed how I thought about my own - so I have not answered your question yet - right now I would say, I have been doing some creative writing.

I enjoy writing. A lot of, I don't know, it's a mix of things, but sci-fi right now has been what I've been writing, sci-fi comedy kind of thing. And then I also crochet, but it only, I only do like one or two projects a year. So how about you? Do you have something?

CORAL OWEN: Yeah. It's been fun being a toddler mom. My little guy's three and a half and his best buddy is five. And just with the kids, I find that a lot of the creative things that they get into, of course, require parental supervision to make sure things don't go sideways. 

So like, we made gingerbread houses last week and they were, you know, wildly just creative and fun and nonsensical. I'm like, “For sure we can have an entire roof of marshmallows. That totally works.” You know, so just [00:15:00], that's been really fun to actually, I found myself a lot more, yeah, enamored with just the fun little goofy things that these kids get wound up in.

I'm like, this is actually a blast. So yeah, just, just kid crafts right now.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I went to the library not too long ago with a friend and we, it was a Lego night, and we grabbed a Lego kit. Each of us had a Lego kit and we just sat there quietly for the most part. We talked sometimes, but we were mostly silently putting things together, and it was lovely.

CORAL OWEN: Yeah, just stuff like that. So I think that that's always a fun place to start too. So, awesome. 

Well, Jess, thank you so much. Very selfishly, perhaps I've really enjoyed this conversation today, and seeing these new categories, really, it does get me excited about rest in a way that I'm normally not.

I think a lot of us tend to just be in that high performing, always on space. And so to think through different ways [00:16:00] that we're not, you know, maybe feeling like a,  not a potato, but being a couch barnacle, is good. And obviously that's one of our categories. 

But, I think giving ourselves permission to rest in different ways that may align with where we actually need to be, stepping back or turning that dial down a few notches, is just, it's really nice. Thank you so much.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I really enjoyed this and I really needed it right now, so it was great.

CORAL OWEN: Hopefully this also resonated with all of our listeners. And as always, thank you all so much for joining us. That is it for today's episode. Also, we want to pass a special thanks to Erin Carlson Rivera for producing today's episode. If you enjoyed our talk today, click the share button in your podcast app to share it with a friend or a colleague, and we will be back next week with a new practice.

Until then, keep practicing.

[00:17:00]


CREDITS: The Practicing Connection Podcast is a production of One-Op and is supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, US Department of Agriculture and the Office of Military Family Readiness Policy, US Department of Defense under award number 2 0 2 3 4 8 7 74 3 3.



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Jessica Beckendorf

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