Practicing Connection

Flamingos and Focus Days: One Simple Practice for a More Intentional Year

• OneOp • Episode 51

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Before rushing into big resolutions, what if you paused to ask: "What needs to stop, what deserves to stay, and what small experiment could actually support the life and work I want?" 

In this reflections episode, Coral and Jessica get honest about boundaries, comparison, joy, and work rhythms - and invite you to do the same, in three simple prompts.

In this special reflections episode, Coral and Jessica step away from resolutions and dig into something more honest: what they’re stopping, keeping, and starting in the new year. 

They talk about protecting a true no‑meetings day, letting go of comparison with past versions of themselves, and keeping small practices like tiny Post‑it to‑do lists, buffer time between meetings, and spontaneous phone calls that make work feel more human. 

You’ll also hear how “getting your pink back” through joy outside of work can change how you show up to your roles. 

The episode closes with a simple reflection you can do in just a few minutes: name one thing to stop, one to keep, and one to start this year.

Further links and resources from this episode:

CORAL OWEN: [00:00:00] Hey there. Thanks so much for tuning into the Practicing Connection podcast. I'm Coral, and today we're trying something a little different. 

So this is our reflections episode, and we're going to share something that we're letting go of: one thing we're keeping and one thing we are starting in the new year. 

And the whole idea is to slow down just long enough to notice what is actually working for us, what's not, and what we want to perhaps experiment with next.

And of course, I am not doing this alone. My lovely co-host, Jessica, is here to guide us through it. Jessica, how are you feeling today?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: “My lovely assistant.” That's what. I'm doing good. I'm doing great. I'm feeling really motivated. You know, anytime I get a chance to stop for a moment and assess where I'm at, it actually feels really good. 

And I guess maybe years ago I used to maybe beat myself up a little bit when I would assess where I'm at, and if it wasn't sort of quote unquote “good enough” or whatever, but now it just feels really good.

Just pause for a [00:01:00] moment, see where I'm at, make adjustments.

CORAL OWEN: Absolutely. I really do feel that too, and it's so easy to move from one thing to the next. Just things are so busy, and I think so many people can relate to that, and it's so, you know, I think just natural to jump from one thing to the next without pausing to ask, ‘is this still serving me? What do I wanna do more of?’

And I am honestly, I'm really glad that you came up with the idea for this episode, because I am already planning out my 2026 calendar. And so being able to actually, you know, craft this episode with you and walk through it, it was a great opportunity. 

So I'm really looking forward to talking through some honest answers today. And yeah, it's a good practice.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I’m speaking of honest answers, we'd love to hear from you, our listeners, how have you added moments of pause into your life? Share your strategies with us at practicingconnection@oneop.org. [00:02:00] 

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JESSICA BECKENDORF: So, let's talk about the first section of the episode, what we're choosing to stop in our professional lives and why.

So this is what I'm stopping and one expectation that I want to, I'm gonna say, I want to gently stop is the idea that I'm available to meet every day of the week. I have a split appointment across two, sort of three, projects, and the default has become that my calendar is kind of fair game all the time.

It's not sustainable, and it doesn't leave much room for the deep focused work that those projects actually require. And I want to be clear, this is not an expectation that others have placed on me. It's an expectation that I've lived up to by not protecting more time. And it's kind of funny because I actually feel like I often protect my time through things like time blocking, but sometimes time blocking isn't enough.

So here's my stop. I'm working toward at [00:03:00] least one true ‘no meetings' day each week. I know it may not be perfect right away, but even naming that boundary and beginning to protect it feels really important. My hope is that it gives me a little more calm, a little more focus, and ultimately better work across all the projects I'm responsible for.

So Coral, what's on your stop list? If I had to sum it up, mine was kind of about boundaries. What are you putting a boundary around this year? And what do you think about what I just said, like this ‘no meetings’ day. Did you ever do that?

CORAL OWEN: Oh yeah, it's something I've aspired to for quite some time. I actually implemented that for myself this past year. Usually it's Fridays, and it has made a huge difference. So I am so excited to see how that serves you in the year.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Did I tell you how many regular meetings I have scheduled for Fridays? They're regularly scheduled meetings on Fridays.

CORAL OWEN: I know, I try to get on your calendar all the time. But no, that is such a good one. And you know, one of the sayings [00:04:00] that I love, and just, lean back onto quite often is this concept or practice of, ‘Your no’s protect your yes’es.’ And that's really what this practice for you is making me think of. Saying no to more meeting times so that you can say yes to, not to put words in your mouth, but, you know, maybe deeper calm, deeper work, creativity. 

So, personally, one of the things I am personally parking in 2025, there's a few of them, but the top is the list of the comparison game. And I have worked very diligently and intentionally, over the past number of years, to really get good at defining my own measures of success.

I call it like, you know, have your own measuring stick of success, rather than looking at someone else's and going, well, ‘How do I stack up to that?’ I really am good at, you know, keeping the rails on, and looking just at my own progress and status.

But I do, I have found myself a lot this year. Maybe it's just the stage of life that I'm in, in my mid thirties. but I have found myself from time to time thinking, “Oh, I used to be [00:05:00] more…” blank, or, “Better at… “ blank. And it's just so not helpful. 

And so, the personal comparison to different seasons of life and different versions of myself is what I am definitely going to stop, as of 2025.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Coral, that is wonderful. That was actually my other one I chose. Yes, it was my other one. This comparison, and especially professional comparison, like, “I have so many amazing colleagues that are doing so many amazing things,” and I often look at their work and I'm like, “Oh wow. Well, what I'm doing isn't nearly as good as what they're doing.”

But the thing is, I've heard the same thing other people have said, “Whoa, what you're doing is really amazing.” And so I think we all kind of do it to each other, but it can lead to unhealthy thoughts about your own work. It can lead to unhealthy thoughts about your season of life. And yeah, that was my other one, but I decided to talk [00:06:00] mostly about protecting my time instead.

CORAL OWEN: Wow. Yeah, both of those are very impactful, so probably a lot of real relatability there.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, once you clear out a few stops, it's easier to see what's worth holding onto. So let's talk about what we're keeping, Coral. Let's start with you.

CORAL OWEN: Yeah. So I know that we are focusing on the professional realm here, but there is a lot of overlap, at least that I found in, you know, just kind of energetic availability and bandwidth of how your personal life allows you to show up in your professional life. And so I'm, you know - three and a half years postpartum and momming and just wearing a lot of different hats, has really absorbed my time.

And I had a friend recently, she shared an anecdote about how flamingos - just stay with me here about how flamingos, they lose their vibrant coloration while caring for their young, like just a very intense season. And as they come out of that period, they get their pink back bit by bit. [00:07:00] I loved that and it really resonated with me.

And what I've related to this closely this past year is I've begun to create and hold space for things. Mainly in, you know, kind of my personal side of life, like playing music again and you know, being more intentional. Just these small things that have kind of fallen by the wayside since, you know, having my son a couple years ago.

And I really feel like I am stepping back into that full color version of myself. And the reason I'm talking about this is that just this like joy and spark, it's allowed me to tap into that creative side professionally a lot more. And I just, I feel like I have just a lot more like solution space thinking: positive, kind of diverse avenues of like where we could take a particular project or insights, it just feels good. 

So yeah, I'm just, I'm going to keep holding space for just those small touch points that have nothing to do with my identity, or maybe a little bit [00:08:00] of, you know, mom visits. There's always some overlap, right? 

But yeah, just those kind of seemingly nonsensical things that just bring whimsy and joy and a lot of creativity to a lot of different spaces.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I love that. And I love this idea of, during times of intense, we might lose our color a little bit. And then, when things have calmed down a little bit, you can come back. I love the phrase, stepping back into your ‘full color self.’

That's beautiful. Well, I brought a few keeps with me, so you can stop me anytime and just make me shut up because I couldn't choose between them. 

So one thing I'm definitely keeping, and this is such a little logistical detail, but I have these tiny two and a half - they're not really that tiny, they're just the standard size post-it notes. I think they're about two and a half by two and a half inches. That's where I write my daily to-dos. It sounds kind of silly, but limiting myself to what fits on that little [00:09:00] square has made a really big difference. It forces me to choose what really matters for the day. 

And I actually also, I try not to fill it. I try to only fill the top two thirds of it, but it forces me to choose what really matters. And it keeps me from staring at a huge list and feeling immediately overwhelmed. And on days when I actually stick to the post-it, pun not really intended, I end the day feeling more accomplished and less frazzled.

So for me, that little square is not just a piece of paper, it is a daily prioritization practice that I want to carry forward.

CORAL OWEN: So Jess, this is so funny. I actually started doing that a couple months ago too. It's such a game changer. Good for you.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah, yeah, I have, oh, I gotta lie. So I'm also keeping the habit of building buffer time between meetings. Only a month or two ago I started to space [00:10:00] things out a little bit more intentionally, even though it does make my calendar look and feel a little bit cluttered, to be honest. I need to figure out what to do about that feeling of being cluttered.

But the breathing room has been huge. It's given me time to process, to reset, to jot some notes or just grab water. Sometimes I'll take like a five minute walk, instead of just jumping from one thing to the next on fumes, or coming in late to meetings. 

And look. I don't mind the whole lateness thing. But it's more, I feel stressed if I'm joining a meeting late. It doesn't mean that my days are magically slow or easy, but those buffers have made my schedule feel a lot more humane. So that's definitely something I want to keep doing.

CORAL OWEN: Yeah, there's even like research to back that up about task switching, and how much time it takes you to shift from one 15 or 20 minutes or, it's at least that long. 

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah, it's why interruptions can be really difficult for people.

CORAL OWEN: Absolutely.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: And I did bring one more. I wasn't going to share it and -

CORAL OWEN: Good [00:11:00] things come in threes.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Okay. Yeah. Right. So the last keep for me is making more phone calls. I rediscovered recently how much I love a good no-video call, or even if it's video, a quick unexpected check-in where someone's just calling me on Teams, randomly.

So, even if the call is in video, as long as it's spontaneous, I'll take it. I'm also holding the assumption that if I call someone randomly, spontaneously, I have zero expectation that they'll answer. And if they call me, I'm making the assumption that they feel the same if they're just calling me randomly.

That removes a lot of pressure, and it keeps it from falling onto the to-do list. Because you know, text and email are great, and instant messaging or messaging apps, but sometimes all of those written messages - and as we were talking about before we started recording, even a recorded message that is sent to you the same way that a written message would be sent to you - it just kind of feels like another pile of [00:12:00] tasks sometimes that I need to get to.

So picking up the phone even briefly has helped me feel a little bit more connected, and a little bit less buried in text-based communication. So that's a practice I want to keep, but I promise I won't do it to anyone who really abhors phone calls.

CORAL OWEN: I definitely have my phone call people, and then my text people, and then my voice memo. Yeah, just know your people.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Exactly. And you know, you can even talk ahead of time. If there's a new connection you're making, you could say, “Hey, I enjoy phone calls, even random ones. I won't do that if that's not something that you like. But if you're okay with it, I have no expectation you're gonna pick up. But sometimes I think that's nice.” 

And believe it or not, there are some people who are like, yeah, “I'm cool with that.” 

CORAL OWEN: I just love that, that's such a simple way to practice connection going into the new year. That's awesome. 

Alright, so Jess, we've talked about some things to let go. We've talked and honored about what's working. [00:13:00] Let's perhaps move into imagining what's next. So what little experiments do we want to try this year? Do you want to go first?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah, I'll go first. So the new practice that I'm starting is kind of related to that boundary I mentioned earlier. I feel like it's almost cheating, because I already mentioned it. 

I want to institute a true ‘no meetings’ day. I've been thinking about this for a while, but I'm ready to treat it as a real experiment, instead of just a nice idea.

My hope is that carving out one meeting-free day will help my work feel calmer, more connected and more creative. Calmer, because I'm not scrambling from call to call more, connected, because I can actually focus on the relationships and the projects and, you know, some of the creative work and the deep work in front of me, and more creative because there's finally that uninterrupted time and space to think and to make. 

So it might take some negotiation with my different teams, but that's the thing I'm committed [00:14:00] to trying to start. I may have to begin with two half days and work my way up to a whole day, but I have to start somewhere.

CORAL OWEN: Absolutely. So I, again, I'm very excited to see how that works out for you.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Me too.

CORAL OWEN: Yeah, so for me personally, I think I already alluded a bit to how this recent season of life has been a little bit of a ‘hold onto your hat’ sort of operation. And ultimately just kind of has left me feeling a bit more reactive than proactive.

So I actually am a business owner, as well as my podcasting endeavors here, and so one of the things that I am looking forward to just doubling down on going forward into 2026 is holding Mondays specifically as a strategy day of, it's actually very similar to yours, of deeper work, longer range planning, and really moving the needle on some bigger initiatives, rather than just kind of trying to keep the boat afloat.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: You guys, we did not plan that, to have such similar - but well, let's get [00:15:00] into a reflection for all of the listeners. So, here it is. Are you ready?

CORAL OWEN: Ready.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: All you have to do is jot down. So grab paper and pen, or get out your keyboard or your tablet. Jot down one thing to stop, one thing to keep, and one thing to start in the new year.

I bet you didn't know we were going to do that. We were going to go for -

CORAL OWEN: Coming in from left field.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah, right. One thing to stop, one thing to keep and one thing to start in the new year.

CORAL OWEN: Simple, but so impactful. Awesome. 

Thanks Jessica, so much, for the great conversation, the awesome practices and stops and starts that you shared today. It was really fun talking through all of that, and we look forward to hearing from you all, as you're working through your own reflections on 2025 and going into the new year with some fresh perspective and practices.

And so that is all for this [00:16:00] episode. Thank you so much for joining us, and we will be back next week with a new episode. Until then, keep practicing.


CREDITS: The Practicing Connection Podcast is a production of One-Op and is supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, US Department of Agriculture and the Office of Military Family Readiness Policy, US Department of Defense under award number 2 0 2 3 4 8 7 74 3 3.





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Jessica Beckendorf

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