Practicing Connection

Letting Go to Move Forward: Creating Space for Your Next Self

• OneOp • Episode 49

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Feeling between versions of yourself - no longer who you were, not yet who you’re becoming? 

In this episode, learn two simple practices to release what no longer fits and take aligned, micro‑actions that move you forward with clarity and steadiness. 

Professionals who navigate this “liminal” space well build resilience and better decisions during change.

Identity shifts don’t happen on a calendar - they unfold in the in‑between, where the old no longer fits and the new isn’t solid yet. 

This conversation introduces two grounded practices: Subtract Before You Add (making space by letting go of one expectation, role, or internal rule) and The Values Check‑In (choosing one value for this season and taking a 2–5 minute micro‑action that lives it). 

These approaches reflect evidence‑aligned ideas that subtracting creates clarity and capacity, and that values‑based actions engage motivation and sustain change - especially during transitions at work and in life.

Further links and resources from this episode:

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Hi, and thanks for listening to the Practicing Connection Podcast. I'm Jessica.

CORAL OWEN: And I'm Coral.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Today we're digging into something a lot of us feel this time of year, even if we don't always have the language for it. The experience of being in between versions of ourselves, that stretch of time where the old ways of doing things don't quite fit anymore, but the new ways haven't fully settled in yet.

CORAL OWEN: Yep. And that “in between it” can feel really strange, uncomfortable. Even can feel a little bit disorienting. And so often we're really quick to jump into new habits and new roles without acknowledging that transitions have their own emotional terrain and strain, and identity work. 

It also does not happen instantaneously, and so it doesn't happen, you know, like a light switch. Once the calendar flips to January, it's like, okay, here we are, the whole new year, new me.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yep.

CORAL OWEN: Doesn't really happen that way.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Right. I mean [00:01:00] there is an element of, I've heard some good arguments for the element of ‘fake it till you make it,’ but you don't just flip a switch and suddenly you're a different person. 

CORAL OWEN: Yeah, for sure.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: So before we go any further, then, let's ground this in a simple definition. When we talk about identity shifts, we mean the gradual process of moving from who we've been: our habits, roles, expectations, into who we're becoming. And there's always a period of transition where both feel a little bit unclear. Isn't that referred to as liminal space?

CORAL OWEN: Yes. Exactly. We've actually done a couple of great episodes on liminal space. Shameless flag! 

Exactly though, Jessica, it's not about reinventing yourself in some dramatic way. It's kind of like shedding skin, right? And it's about recognizing that you are changing, like in the process of becoming, and giving yourself permission to learn and experiment and adjust without needing everything straight away to feel polished and [00:02:00] certain.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: So I noticed that you brought two practices today. Not a long list, not a whole framework or anything like that, just two practices. Why these two specifically?

CORAL OWEN: Yeah, so identity transitions, they already ask a lot from us energetically. You know, brain space, all that. So we don't need more complexity. What we need are some grounded entry points that help us understand what is shifting and what is supporting us as we move through this transition. 

So today we've got two practices. The first one is called, ‘subtract before you add.’ And I'm really excited about this one, because I don't think it gets quite as much airtime, like this process of becoming. 

And then the second one is called the, ‘values check-in.’ And they are intended - you don't have to use them together, but they can work together really seamlessly to create a really smooth, grounded space for you to begin your transition.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I love that. Keeping it simple but meaningful.

CORAL OWEN: Yep. [00:03:00] And one helps you, the first one, I think I gave a little maybe extra love to the, “Subtract before you add.” 

This one will help you release what doesn't fit or what doesn't feel in alignment anymore. And the other one anchors you into what matters most right now. And so together, they give you clarity without forcing you to have the whole picture figured out.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, let's get into the practices then. Can you get us started Coral?

CORAL OWEN: Absolutely. So first, let's start with the subtract before you add. So a lot of people think identity change. When we think about these things, the instinct is to start stacking new habits straight away, or expectations on top of what is already a full life. 

And you know. We've got plenty of hats that we're already wearing. But a lot of times this identity work usually begins most effectively by letting go initially, not by adding more straight to the plate. 

So here's the reflection at some point. Whether it's this week that you're making these changes, or when you're feeling, you know, [00:04:00] ready to start making these shifts, ask yourself , “What expectation, roles, or stories am I hearing that don't fit who I am becoming?” Whether this is like a personal shift or a life shift. 

So just some offhand examples may be, you know, feeling like the person who always says yes to things. Maybe you feel responsible for smoothing things over all the time. And these are not bad things, right? But these are maybe things that maybe are not serving you in this next space that you're moving into.

A couple of other things that maybe, a standard of productivity, or perhaps a different version of yourself from a different season of life that is not going to be in alignment for where you're headed. And so we start with that. 

And then from there, you're going to ask yourself, “What is one thing that I could set down for this season?”

So it's not something that you have to say adieu to forever, but just one thing that you are sticking a pin in: one pressure, one role, one internal rule that may not be in [00:05:00] alignment for where you're headed. That's it.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Coral that feels really doable. And I imagine even naming just one thing could create a surprising amount of space.

CORAL OWEN: That is one hundred percent it. So we have to, with just these full fledged identities that we're carrying, the narrative stories, identities, habits that go along with who we have been, we have to create space and make room for something. 

So by subtracting a little bit, setting something down, we are holding space and creating, you know, kind of a little spot for, those new habits, identity, awarenesses and things to take shape and take root.

All right, so that is part one, creating space. We're just sticking a pin in some things to hold space for the next bit of what is to come. The second practice that we've got for y'all today is called the ‘values check-in.’ 

So when we're in these transitional identity spaces, sometimes [00:06:00] things can just feel a little bit blurry, but values provide the clarity that we need even when the direction is still forming.

So here's how this works. You want to choose one value that feels most important in this season, not your top five for life, just the one that is going to, you know, be most in alignment for right now. Maybe it's stability, courage, health, connection, integrity, curiosity, you decide. And then we're going to ask ourselves, “How would I know I'm living with this value?” What does it look like in small concrete behaviors? 

Not big sweeping goals, just indicators. You know, things like ending your workday on time, taking one small step towards something you care about. Maybe it's checking in with someone you want to stay connected to. Maybe it's honoring your bandwidth and just saying no to something, that you perhaps would've originally said yes to. 

And then finally, “What is one micro action that I [00:07:00] can take this week that aligns with that value?” Two to five minutes, or one simple statement - it doesn't have to be anything huge. 

And so really, coming down to the crux of this, everything in a nutshell, identity grows through consistent, aligned actions. Not, like, stepping into the brand new identity one day. It's this gradual process of becoming, and so there's a lot of thoughts around setting habits to step into identity. 

And so that's where this practice is rooted. Just setting those small, intentional actions and habits in our day so that we are stepwise walking our way into that next version of ourselves that we want to become.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: This reminds me a lot of, there was a book series I was reading, it was just a fiction series, and I remember the character in that was like, “I'm gonna be known as girl who does this, or the girl with a really nice sports car,” whatever it was like, and she was really confused about her identity, right?

That [00:08:00] was this kind of surface level. She was wanting to project this out there, and she wasn't connecting back to like what the actual values were. Which - obviously it was a fiction book, it was not meant to be super deep or anything - but it reminds me of that, and these activities are a helpful way to move forward without forcing clarity.

You know, you might not know everything about who you're becoming yet, but you can live your values today.

CORAL OWEN: Exactly. Values can guide in that correct trajectory, even when certainty or that solidified identity hasn't fully arrived to us yet.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I just want to ask a question for some clarity. You've said in both of these activities you were talking about, “in this season.” What do you mean by that? Is it that that season could just be right now, just giving yourself the permission that it doesn't have to be forever?

Or are you talking about the new year? What do you mean when you say, “Decide what's right in this season?”

CORAL OWEN: Yeah. Thanks for [00:09:00] picking up on that, Jess. That's a phraseology that I actually use for myself quite often. But just to unpack that, in case it was a little confusing, you know, we are always, hopefully, growing and iterating on what that next best version of ourselves is.

We're constantly learning, and I know the people in our Practicing Connection community, we're constantly learning new things, and maybe realizing new things or taking on new roles, whether it's personal or at work. 

And so with that comes about changes in just who we are fundamentally. I mean, we're picking up new skill sets or new identities or new habits. And so, you know, maybe we've been in a particular role or wearing a particular hat for some time, and as we are iterating in our self-identity and how we are walking through the world, I think that viewing it as different seasons of life and who we are in different phases of our entire lifespan can be a really helpful framework to [00:10:00] step from season to season to season. 

And with that, kind of like how a tree has different sets of leaves that it has throughout the year (unless you're here in Florida!), you know, who we are can look different. It's beautiful throughout. But sometimes we need to shed those leaves in the fall and kind of have that regrowth and reboot.

And that's how I see this set of practices coming together, that we can kind of shed some leaves so that we're growing new ones that are going to serve us in that next season.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I love that you used the metaphor of a tree, and I'm sure that, I mean, it's used all the time in this kind of a context. This is all reminding me of Lev Vygotsky's Theory of Psychological Development, and the emphasis on development as a continuing process of transformation.

And that's exactly what you're talking about. That's what these practices help you do. 

So, as we wrap up today, maybe take a moment, you know, wherever you are, to pause and acknowledge where you were at in your own in-between season. You don't [00:11:00] have to have it all sorted out or anything. Just notice what's shifting.

CORAL OWEN: Absolutely. And just like we were talking about, this doesn't happen in one day, and so this identity work does not need to be rushed. The in-between space, this is where so much learning and clarity happens and becomes and takes shape for us. 

And these two practices of subtracting what no longer fits, and then grounding ourselves in values that align for where we're headed, can really help us navigate the space with more steadiness and tension and just more grace.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Thanks so much for joining us for this conversation on navigating identity shifts in the in-between. If this resonated with you, feel free to share it with someone who might be in their own season of becoming.

CORAL OWEN: We will be back next week with another episode. Until then, keep practicing.

[00:12:00]


CREDITS: The Practicing Connection Podcast is a production of One-Op and is supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, US Department of Agriculture and the Office of Military Family Readiness Policy, US Department of Defense under award number 2 0 2 3 4 8 7 74 3 3.





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Jessica Beckendorf

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