Military Kids and Public Schools: Finding Common Ground Together. With Mark Paolicelli and Dulce Carrillo

When a redistricting proposal put military children’s routines at risk, two communities came together, transforming crisis into collaboration. Discover how a proactive partnership made all the difference.

Jessica Beckendorf welcomes Mark Paolicelli (former Deputy Base Commander for joint base Meyer-Henderson Hall) and Dulce Carrillo (Supervisor of Community Partnerships and Engagement at Arlington Public Schools) in this special episode, sharing their story of coming together to solve a collective challenge that affected each of their respective communities.

When a redistricting proposal threatened to disrupt the school experience of military kids, little did anyone know it would spark a dialogue that led to meaningful, long-term partnerships. 

Hear firsthand how Mark and Dulce navigated misunderstandings, built bridges, and turned neighbors into allies - all in the name of supporting military-connected students. 

Their story offers timely lessons in resilience, communication, and the power of coming together for a common cause.

Links and resources from this episode:

• Join our LinkedIn group: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/12879756/ 
• Send us a message: practicingconnection@oneop.org 

OneOp Academy is a free online series designed for anyone interested in positive change, whether you're an educator, community leader, student, or just passionate about supporting families.

This year's Academy spotlights the unique challenges facing military connected youth, from mental health to resilience education to community support.

 Explore the 2025 OneOp Academy and register today at oneop.org/series/2025academy

Transcript

JESSICA BECKENDORF: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to the Practicing Connection Podcast. I'm Jessica Beckendorf. Our guests today are Mark Paolicelli, former Deputy Base Commander for Joint Base Myer Henderson Hall, and Dulce Carrillo, supervisor of Community Partnerships and Engagement at Arlington Public Schools in Virginia. Dulce and Mark were part of an effort that began as a crisis from the base’s perspective and ended in long-term understanding and partnership.

Though they were neighbors, the base and Arlington schools had little interaction until a redistricting proposal threatened to move military kids from their usual school. We're excited to learn more about how this story unfolded, which resulted in improved support for military kids, and raised regional awareness of their unique challenges.

Hi, Mark and Dulce. Thank you so much for joining us on Practicing Connection.

DULCE CARILLO: Hello, [00:01:00] Jessica. Great to be here.

MARK PAOLICELLI: Yeah. Thanks for having us, Jessica.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, let's start by getting to know you both a little bit. Can you share a bit about your backgrounds and your connection to the base in Arlington schools? And maybe Mark, I'll start with you on this.

MARK PAOLICELLI: Sure. My name is Mark Paolicelli, as previously stated, I'm a retired lieutenant colonel in the United States Marine Corps. My last assignment before I retired in 2022, I was the Deputy Joint Base Commander for Joint Base Myer Henderson Hall. Now this is an army owned installation, but because it's a joint base with the Marine Corps, that's why a marine officer is the deputy commander for the base. And I was in that role from 2018 until my retirement in 2022.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: And Dulce, please share a little bit about yourself and your connection to the base in Arlington schools.

DULCE CARILLO: Yes. I've been working for Arlington Public Schools since the fall of 2016. I had been assigned by our superintendent, then Superintendent Patrick, Dr. Murphy, [00:02:00] as a representative to the Military and Veterans Affairs Committee. So I was learning and getting to know members of that community including Lieutenant Colonel Paolicelli, and that led to starting to learn about and how we can serve military students better. How we can be a system that supports students and looks out for the interest of military connected students.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Awesome. Well, let's think about before the two of you were assigned to get involved. What was the relationship like between the base and Arlington schools before this redistricting proposal, and what concerns did the proposal raise?

MARK PAOLICELLI: So how I would describe our relationship was we were neighbors - Literally, the headquarters for Arlington Public Schools is right outside our main gate. So we could walk there from our main gate. But we were neighbors that were, I'd say, friendly and cordial to each other, but we didn't know each other.

We [00:03:00] coexisted very closely. But we didn't really have a relationship, at least to my knowledge, because a lot of our kids, they're enrolled in Arlington schools. Those families dealt with the Arlington school district on their own. So the base leadership and the base really didn't have, you know, any interactions with Arlington public schools.

DULCE CARILLO: Yes. No, I totally agree. I think we were neighbors, but we were not, certainly not meeting on a regular basis or discussing issues that were pertinent to military connected students. That said, the commander Kimberly Peoples, Colonel Peoples would come to our events. I really always enjoyed seeing her.

She would be invited to an administrative conference or certain events and I would see her at our whole child conferences. So that was something that I loved and I was interested in learning more about, but certainly at that time we were not having meetings. Just bumping into each other basically.

MARK PAOLICELLI: Yeah. I'll agree. And I'll follow up, you're right there were events that we would invite each other to, [00:04:00] whether it's like the base change of command or certain events that Arlington Public Schools would have, that we would extend invitations to. But again, I don't think we had a really dedicated relationship where we were talking on a regular basis. And I don't think up until this point the topic we're about to talk about, I don't think there were any things that came up for, you know, kind of forced us to have a conversation with each other, other than just being cordial and friendly with each other.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, and I'd like to set the stage even a little bit further. Mark, you and I have talked in the past, and as I recall, there were not very many kids that were in school that were living on the base, but there was a presence of children because of a daycare.

And I wonder if you could just explain a little bit about that dynamic, and how it contributed to the need to connect.

MARK PAOLICELLI: Sure. Yeah. So Joint Base Myer Henderson Hall, the army side of the base, previously known as Fort Myer, or the residents that live on that base are the army's senior most leaders, and honestly the military's senior most leaders, [00:05:00] so five out of the eight Joint Chiefs of Staff live within our fence line. And so all the other top generals from the Army reside on the base. 

And so because of that, a lot of these are older and senior military officers. Most of them have kids that are grown or that have moved out that are in college or whatnot. So the base’s children population was only about 30 kids that actually lived on the base. Aside from the residents, we have the largest daycare center in the Department of Defense and our early child development center hosts about 550 kids when we're at full capacity, and that's both infant care and toddler care.

And then the other side of the facility is the school age side which are, K-through-Eighth Grade that get dropped off at the daycare center in the morning, hop on Arlington County buses, go out into the county and then at the end of the day, they're brought back to the daycare [00:06:00] center.

And now keep in mind military families work pretty long hours. So our daycare center was open from six o'clock in the morning until six in the evening. And those before and after school care kids you know, really relied on the care of the center to be able to hang out there and do afterschool programming until their military parents could come pick them up.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: I would love to also dig a little bit into the redistricting proposal itself. Dulce, maybe you could talk a little bit about the school's needs for the proposal and Mark you could maybe talk a little bit about the response that the base felt they needed to have to support the military kids.

DULCE CARILLO: Yes, to give you some background, so it is basically a responsibility of the school district to ensure that we have balanced enrollment in our school buildings. Each of our school buildings has a certain number, a capacity of students fit in a school. And our demographics are constantly changing where people are moving and [00:07:00] coming.

And so every couple of years, and this fall is no exception, when a school gets too crowded and we see extra room in another school where there are empty seats in classrooms, we do a boundary change. And that means that we shift some students to other schools to balance this enrollment, otherwise it could balloon up and you know, we need more trailers and things like that while other schools are kind of empty.

So boundaries are one of the most painful things that we do as a school district and we take a lot of care, since there are a lot of competing demands. How do we ensure that all of our students, none of them are overburdened, but also that some schools are not overcrowded, while others empty.

So that was the backdrop. And also prior to this example, we were really bursting at the seams. Our enrollment had been growing and growing. We were looking at 30,000 student enrollment and not enough seats. So I think that was part of the [00:08:00] reason we're not seeing that now, there's less pressure to do severe boundary moves because we're not under that type of pressure.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: And so Mark, when did it become known that the redistricting proposal was going to affect the military kids on base? And maybe it affected more than that. If you could maybe describe that reaction you guys had and why you felt like it was really important, right? Even though there were only 30 kids on base. Like, why was it really important for you to step in?

MARK PAOLICELLI: Yeah. So I was made aware of this in the fall, when Arlington was holding town hall meetings, and really the base leadership was made aware of it from a lot of concerned military families that were going to be impacted by it. So I don't know if you know anything about running a base, but every decision you make, and everything that happens around the base, the base commander and the deputy commander, you hear an earful from your population and the people that you're supporting, and the people that use your services.

So, as you can imagine, you [00:09:00] know, the redistricting thing was a pretty emotional event for some of our military families. They were very vocal about their concerns and the impact that this was going to have on them. The unique thing with military families is these families are assigned to a location for two or three years, and then they pick up and they move again.

So, I think it's pretty well known that military kids are very resilient. Because they're always doing that. That's the lifestyle that they're used to. And so for us, our concern when the base leadership was informed of it was, is this really necessary? Can we talk to Arlington, just kind of find out a little more about it? 

Because at that time, to be honest with you, I didn't understand the redistricting reasons. I do now. Especially as a parent of a 7-year-old, 'cause we just went through this where I live. So I fully understand it and I completely understand why the county needs to do that in order to make sure that they're operating within capacity, so that they don't have some schools that are bursting at the seams. So [00:10:00] anyway, the base commander, she was notified and at the time she was really concerned that we just needed to understand this. And she knew that it needed the base leadership involved. So she tasked me to be her point person on this, to dig into it, find out exactly what was going on, to understand the situation a little bit better so that really we could communicate back to our military families using the services on the base of, “Hey, this is what we're doing, or this is why Arlington is doing this.” Really to inform them. So that they weren't just dealing with emotions, you know what I mean, or acting out on their emotions. And our standpoint from the beginning was just understand it and then see if this was concrete or if there was room for, you know, maybe a compromise.

Before we even got to that, we had to understand the issue and why Arlington was making that decision.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: It sounds like you were really looking for where are the gaps and how can we bridge them? And a lot of that kind of back and forth communication and helping everyone understand why redistricting needed to happen is [00:11:00] one of the ways you do that.

MARK PAOLICELLI: Yeah, and we were very cautious too, right? We never go in, or at least Colonel Peoples - now Major General Peoples was a fantastic base commander and a great boss. She's a very, compassionate leader. And so, she didn't take the stand of, “We're the military and we should be treated differently and special because we wear a uniform.” She sincerely looked at it from, “Okay, let's understand this first. And then if there's room for compromise to alleviate these military families from having to pull their kids out of another school and go to a different school next year, you know, is there room for compromise?”

And at the very least, make sure that Arlington County understands kind of the uniqueness of these military families. 'Cause like I said, when we talked earlier, that we're neighbors. There's a lot of people that I engage with from Arlington County that have lived in Arlington forever and have never stepped foot on the base. And I think a lot of these bases are really [00:12:00] foreign to their neighbors because they never get access to the base. They never get to go on and see the services or the soldiers or the Marines. So it's kind of this foreign place that they know it's over there.

They know it's guarded, but they don't understand it because they've never had the opportunity to, you know, be on the base or engage with the base community kind of thing.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: So if I could just add one thing to what you're saying. Earlier you mentioned that military kids, like it's pretty well known that they can be very, very resilient. And I'll just say as a former military kid, it was eons ago at this point, but it would have been extra hard to have had to - midstream in the middle of that two years or three year stint - to have had to switch again.

It really would have been difficult. And so that said I'm wondering Dulce how did the school district start to begin to understand the unique challenges that military kids face?

DULCE CARILLO: It was through these conversations, and I totally agree that Colonel Peoples was an amazing, compassionate leader who really had [00:13:00] very strong influence, but it was more soft and diplomatic influence. And of course she sent Mark Paolicelli, who's a similar very strong leader, but with a lot of curiosity and, you know, willing to listen and dialogue before making demands, which, you know, could have been worse I think, had we sort of come to a standoff. But I think these conversations were important for all of us because we as a district also needed more understanding of the particular situation of military students, and we knew it at a certain level.

We know students because we see them, they enroll and then they have to leave, or sometimes they don't, you know, they enroll late in the summer or even sometimes mid-year. Not that we didn't know, but because we live in the DC metropolitan area, and we also have a lot of diplomatic kids who are different, they're not military, but they are also moving quite often. It's a very dynamic region. You know, military students having this burden seemed [00:14:00] kind of like, “We have a bunch of students and if we allow this group to say we can't move, what are we gonna do with these other students who also have these needs?”

I think that was one of the things we were hearing in terms of how much flexibility can we have and still balance the capacity at our different campuses.

I just wanted to kind of echo what Colonel Paolicelli said about the base being a foreign place. I think you're totally right. I mean, we are neighbors, but personally I thought that we were not allowed on base unless we were invited and escorted. It looks like a very secure place that, unless you know you have an opportunity to create relationships and visit, it feels like it's out of bounds and you're not supposed to go there and don't try to go there and you know, it's not for you. It's only for military. That is the perception.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: That actually I think is a beautiful segue into a burning question that I have, and that is what were the main [00:15:00] challenges in building this understanding? I mean, you guys have made it sound beautifully easy but what were the challenges in building this understanding between the base and the school officials and how were they overcome?

MARK PAOLICELLI: It sounds difficult, but it was really just talking to each other, right. And understanding each other. You know, one of the things talking to the folks with Arlington at the time, I realized that when they were looking at their data for redistricting, they were looking at the 30 kids that lived on the base and their proposal was, “Hey, we have to pick up your kids and bus them to their school anyways, so it doesn't matter, is it really a big deal that we're, going to bus them to a different school, right?” 

They're not walking to school. Like other Owens County residents, we have to go, come on the base and pick them up. “So what's the big deal about, you know, moving them to a different school?” Talking in our initial conversations, I quickly realized that they were only looking at the 30 kids that were residents [00:16:00] and the 180 kids that were before and after school care in our daycare center that were also Arlington County residents who attended our before and after school care program. That was a kind of a blind spot for them. 

They didn't realize that this impact wasn't going to just impact the 30 kids who lived on the base. It was also going to impact the 180 kids that were using the before and after school care. That opened up their eyes. And quite honestly I was even more nervous because they're like, “There were even more kids that we weren't factoring in.” 

And so we were able to pull together the data for them of, “Here's our list of all the kids that are either residents or patrons of the before and after school care. Here's a by name list of everybody.” If memory serves me right, I had a by name list. I know I had the numbers. And so really kind working together with them, with like, say, “Hey, here's a population that we weren't counting in.” 

And then I was able also, actually, yeah, you're right. Sorry to go back. I [00:17:00] didn't share the names. I was only allowed to share the numbers. I was able to go in and find out from the families when they were leaving. Right. And that was another thing that I think the decision makers that wasn't part of their calculus was like, yes, when the decision is made, there's 180 kids that are impacted, but out of the 180 kids, 60 of them are what we call PCS, which is a move. Meaning their families are gonna get orders. So next year they're not gonna be students anymore. They're going to move somewhere else, right. So there's a lot of variables that, quite frankly, it was quite a science project for me to dig into to get that data for them, to get that data over to Arlington Public School so they can make a more really informed decision and at least in my opinion, a more informed decision. But again, those are the uniquenesses of it, right? 

There's the base population, you know, that live there.There's the population that used the before and after school care. And then on top of it, to add even more complexity to it you have some [00:18:00] kids that aren't gonna be around for the next three years. And then even more kids, what we don't know coming in, right. You really had to go through it with a fine tooth comb.

And I was fortunate still to this day, grateful that the leaders at Arlington County Public Schools were at least willing to talk to me. And hear our position and our considerations

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, and so Dulcey I'd love to get the similar thoughts from you on what were the challenges from the school district's perspective? Like what were some of these challenges in the building? That understanding?

DULCE CARILLO: I think one of our challenges was that several different departments were involved in this. So we had one department called the Department of Planning and Evaluation, and they're the ones working on the data, working on, you know, numbers, really trying to make everything work. But they're kind of blind to, like my department, we're school and community relations.

We've got the relationships, we have more ability to meet with, and build conversations. So planning valuation is [00:19:00] more policy. We can't break the policy. It is more black and white if you want to say, because they're dealing with so many variables that they don't really want to hear.

It'll throw off their models if we give them all these exceptions. So it's their job, you know, to be responsible and to say, “Hey, we're running all these models and we can't have all these exceptions to these models or our plans won't work and our schools won't be well distributed.” 

And then you throw in, we have a registration office. Which is our welcome center. These were separate offices at the time where they had very strict registration rules. A person cannot register until they can prove that they have an Arlington address, and once they have an Arlington address, they are sent to a school that is within their boundary.

These are all the regulations for registration. So if you live on base, you go to this school. If you live in another part of the county, you go to that school, unless you're in a lottery program. So they're also [00:20:00] trying to juggle where all of the kids are. And then we had obviously the superintendent's office, which got involved when the leadership at the joint base came forward and said, “Hey, you know, please intervene. We want to do some talking.” 

So we had basically four departments trying to educate one another and each of us bringing a different perspective to that conversation. Some are saying, yes, we should make this exception. And others saying we can't, there's so many other exceptions. So it was a bit tricky also internally for us. And I don't know what Mark’s numbers were, but some of the arguments that, you know, I was getting pushback on was saying even though the kids attend the childcare center, they're not necessarily Arlington residents, and we don't have any room to be accepting kids whose parents might be working at the Pentagon, say, but are actually not living in Arlington.

They're not supposed to be registered at our schools at all. So we had to really share, and your research helped a lot to say, “Here are the kids who do live in [00:21:00] Arlington County, who will be going to our schools, and we can make the exception to keep them in a community so they don't feel further disturbed from, you know, the normalcy they're trying to create in their two or three year posting with us in Arlington.”

MARK PAOLICELLI: Yeah, Dulce, I remember that. Because this was an educational adventure for me as well, right. So when that came up, I was able to dig into our population and really dispel that rumor or that belief that no, if they're a student at Arlington Public Schools per Arlington's policy, they are also an Arlington resident.

So we were to dig into that, because that was a question and a concern understandably from the school side, do we have students in our schools that aren't Arlington County residents? And we were able to dig through that and validate that for you, that we are in compliance with the policy.

DULCE CARILLO: Correct, we hadn't dug into that data. In fact, as a military liaison of sorts, I did have access to numbers. [00:22:00]I know how many kids were at each of our schools because I was told for security they were not releasing that information. Virginia policy, we ask every student when they start school, are you military connected or do you have the data. For security they told us we don't release that information. We don’t want any schools targeted in case there are more families than another. So I actually for the first time had that information from the base who willingly shared and said, you know, we published that and it helped us understand that 5% of students are military connected, a significant number.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Wow. It sounds like you guys had some things that really contributed to the success of this effort, and what I'm hearing right now is that there was a willingness to spend the time on it, right? Because conversations take a long time. And I'm [00:23:00] hearing that there was also an openness to hearing what the needs were on both sides, and openness to hearing about data that maybe you had never seen before. And also there was a commitment on both of the leadership's sides toward the effort, like a commitment to learning more and to doing more.

Does that all feel true for you guys? Is there something else in your magic sauce of like, what contributed to the success?

MARK PAOLICELLI: I mean, really it is just having the conversations, right? And I said it earlier, you know, I was so grateful and am grateful that they didn't just say, “Hey, this is our decision, deal with it. See you later.” And I think that you hit on it with the willingness and openness to at least engage in a conversation. And then, to understand it better because I needed to understand the reasons for the decisions that were being made so I could communicate that back to our military families. Quite honestly, you know, I was resigned [00:24:00] to the fact that if the decision was made that, “Hey, sorry there will be no military family exception to policy and the kids have to move.” You know, I may not have agreed with the decision, but at least I could understand it and be able to communicate that back to the families, right? So that they had the facts and they understood the reasons why the decisions were made. 

So again, you know, we had to understand this a little more, because it was impacting families for the three years that they're assigned to our base or their children are patrons of our daycare center. If we can do something to help them, and at least ensure stability for while they're assigned to our base, then we're gonna do everything in our efforts to try to accomplish that, right? To try to support them in that effort.

DULCE CARILLO: I would like to add, Mark, that I think it was precisely that attitude that came through and the fact that, you know, the compassionate leader in you and in Colonel Peoples made it a lot easier for our leadership too, to be [00:25:00] compassionate and be as flexible as possible because we wanted to figure out, I think it makes it easier.

We get demands from all sides, and sometimes the demands are people who are not listening. They want to share their needs, but are not listening to our situation and vice versa. And I think that this situation was not like that. And I'm going to credit you not only because we're on this call, but that the type of leadership where you were willing to listen, understand and accept the outcome, and yet advocate so strongly and with evidence and with research and through conversation one-on-one, I think really helped.

Not every leader may have been able to get through that way because that does matter, being a great listener, being understanding, not only sharing your needs, but listening to understand others' needs as well.

MARK PAOLICELLI: I'm greatly flattered by your comments, Dulce, thank you. And I'll say, during our conversations we also [00:26:00] recognized that we have a lot in common, because the decisions that Arlington County public schools are making are very similar to the decisions a base commander makes, right? About what's best for your community. 

And then you have to stand in the Town Hall and justify yourself of everything, of every decision you're making. So I think we found that in common ground with Arlington, because we get it. I've been there too, right? You make a decision and then you’ve got a lot of concerned folks that are saying, “Why did you come to that decision? Well, what about this?” Or, “Have you considered X, Y, and Z?”

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Hmm.

MARK PAOLICELLI: And that's being a leader, serving a community, you have to be able to articulate that. But I'm not going to lie, it can be frustrating at times. Only because it's unique. It's a unique command because, you know, people think of the military and they think, okay the commander makes a decision and nobody questions it, and everybody executes. 

A base commander and a community leader, it's very different, right? And it's not that it's a burden to explain [00:27:00] yourself of why. But you have to be able to understand the needs of your community, and when you make decisions, be empathetic and have that in mind, but also communicate that of why the decisions are being made. So yeah, that was the common ground that I think we found, that we had with the leadership of the school district.

DULCE CARILLO: Indeed. And when you say you know command at base, I think how unique Arlington public schools in Arlington County as a community is a very incredibly involved community, very highly educated, savvy. Every decision that we make, we have to have a lot of research, a lot of community input, because the community members are engaged. In a great way. 

MARK PAOLICELLI: Yeah.

DULCE CARILLO: But they will take us to task if we don't explain why we're giving someone an exception, but not someone else. And so we have to be very careful as well in every decision, because every family that gets [00:28:00] impacted is huge. It's their child.

MARK PAOLICELLI: Yeah.

DULCE CARILLO: They're not military connected, moving them from a community they thought they were going to go, now you get tears, lawsuits, people leaving our district and going to private school. I mean, it is a huge deal.

MARK PAOLICELLI: Yeah.

DULCE CARILLO: These are delicate subjects in a very engaged community.

MARK PAOLICELLI: But you know, I would say this and you know, with the engaged communities that we both have, right? That we share, they hold you to account, right? So you better make sure that you do your homework and do your research and get your facts straight before decisions are made. Which is a good thing, right? 

But also on the flip side of it is like, “Okay, I get the facts together, or when we present things, I know I've done my homework, I know that I can speak confidently behind the decisions that we're making.” 

Because I, you know, it wasn't a, just a gut thing and “Oh, we're just going with this, right?” We did our homework and we got our facts together before we made decisions. There was a lot of [00:29:00] thought involved between leadership of both the public school and the base.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Wow, there was so much that went into this. I would love to switch over to talking about what were some of those big wins or outcomes from this effort that you're particularly proud of? And, you know, maybe were there any lasting wins? Were there any kind of things that carried on or grew out of this?

MARK PAOLICELLI: I think from my perspective the big win was that Arlington Public Schools and the leadership there aren't just our neighbor in passing, there's actually a relationship built on trust and transparency. When I left, you know, I know the base commander was still continuing to engage and meet with the Arlington superintendent, at least on a quarterly basis. With Dulce and I, I think that a friendship has formed.

You know, we started off not really knowing each other except for when we were at the Arlington County's Military and Veterans Affairs Committee. But that relationship, I think, started with this incident or crisis[00:30:00] and because of that a strong relationship was formed and has maintained since then. And a friendship and, you know, I consider Dulce a friend, a friendship and partnerships was formed throughout this whole thing.

DULCE CARILLO: Thank you, Mark. I want to echo that. I think the big wins were not only did we genuinely understand each other’s needs better. I think the lasting wins that, as you mentioned, there are quarterly meetings between the superintendent and the commander. And we're now onto our third commander where we're going to be launching those this fall. And there we have an opportunity when crises occur that we have these relationships and we bring the commander to a different school at least twice a year to see and to speak with military connected students to tell them how was their transition, what are their needs. So it's really become a learning tool for us.

And our superintendent, our new superintendent, because we did switch to Dr. Francisco Duran. [00:31:00] He is very big on the Purple Star program. This is a Virginia Department of Education program where a school can be designated purple star, that they understand the needs and support connected students.

And that is a program that he has been working very hard to engage in, that's a lasting win. I think we're now up to almost half of our schools that have applied and were awarded Purple Star status, and our goal is to have one hundred go through that. That includes an investment in training our staff members about military connected students and particular circumstances. 

Having programs that a student comes in, the school counselors are made aware so that there are already students willing to have lunch with that student, show them school, tell them what clubs and activities are available. So that they don’t have to eat lunch alone or wait, you know, it's very hard when you're a child to make [00:32:00] friends. So we're proud of our Purple Star program, our quarterly meetings and genuinely increased understanding awareness among staff and, you know, celebrating the military child in April having proclamation military students.

So we've taken a lot of steps that are ones that you know, when I'm gone, things will continue.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Did a lot of that actually come out of this initial redistricting proposal in all of these conversations?

DULCE CARILLO: They happened afterward, I can't say they were a direct result. I’d say when you grow closer to a community, you build that trust. You're both transparent. You have goodwill, which I believe was there on both sides. That really opens up a lot of possibilities. We are looking for ways that we can serve and support, we're eager to do so because it didn't leave a bitter aftertaste.

It wasn't a [00:33:00] type of fight where we felt we were pushed into something that we really didn't want to do, or vice versa. I think, again, I'm gonna go back to investing in those conversations and to learning about one another. Really set some goodwill.

MARK PAOLICELLI: I think Dulce, you had, I think two Purple Star schools when I started my tenure at the base in 2018. And now you're up to, you said 16.

DULCE CARILLO: I’d have to count them and I'll let you know, but it's about 16. We had one to be honest, one.

MARK PAOLICELLI: One. Okay. I thought it was two. Yeah. Okay. Wow. And then the other thing too, Jessica, I'll say that because we had a relationship with the staff with Arlington, it goes both ways, right? So anytime they had issues, like for example, at the beginning of the school year when their bus drivers are having a difficult time getting through the gate, because they have to go through the search lane and the bus drivers have to get vetted. I mean, that's something that we could help them with so that the bus drivers can make their routes on time. Get their bus drivers names. We can give them a trusted traveler permission after a [00:34:00] background check. So that they're able to make their routes on time. But we didn't know that was an issue.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, looking back then, what lessons from this partnership would you share with others who are working to build similar relationships? It doesn't have to be a military base, but at least like military population and schools. What lessons would you have to share with people who are looking to develop similar relationships?

DULCE CARILLO: I would say some lessons learned are one, you know, don't make assumptions. Make the time to listen to all of your families and constituencies. Come to the school district, be willing and open to learn. And in this case you know, we learn so much. So there's probably other communities and needs that we might not understand because we haven't yet had the opportunity to do so. Also, I think meeting quarterly is important, because you want to have those relationships so when things do flare up, you already have a direct call of somebody you know and [00:35:00] trust that you can have a conversation with to solve the situation a lot faster than if you're trying to figure out who to call. 

So I would say that, and what keeps us motivated is that we are a school system that prides itself in serving every student, from their own needs and assets, and military students are no exception. I think they are one of the populations, like several others, where there are needs. We want to make sure that we're ensuring stability for our students and serving them in a way that meets their needs.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah. Just a quick note. It's like, one of the things I'm hearing in what you're saying Dulce is something that we've said a lot on this podcast and that's work on setting up and cultivating the relationships before you need them.

MARK PAOLICELLI: Yeah, Jessica. I agree. I mean, we have a saying that, “A time of crisis is not the time to figure out who your counterparts are,” right.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yes.

MARK PAOLICELLI: And the only thing I would add, I [00:36:00] think, I agree a thousand percent of what Dulce said that those relationships, establishing them and maintaining them are extremely important.

Because really, you have to know the other side. And I think that there's a perception on the military side that it's “Our way and that's it,” right? So if there's any base commanders out there listening to this I would say, even though there's a fence line that separates you from your community, really that fence line is irrelevant. You have to engage with your community leaders, both, you know, at the city or county level, definitely with your school districts, and the military community and what services they're using from the county. 

I look at the difference between the military community and the civilian community and really, that fence line should not exist, So if that means you’ve got to go out of your comfort zone and go introduce yourself with your counterparts outside of your base, then you need to do that. And if it's not you as the base commander, then have your deputy or your sergeant major, or somebody, [00:37:00] one of your senior leaders do that. To be your point person. 

A lot of bases have school liaisons. But as a commander, I would say you need to join them once in a while and show an interest, that you care, because it's going to impact your community on the base. 

And then the final thing I would say is open up your base to them. There's a lot of people that think it's behind this fence, that they don't know what's going on there. So level the knowledge gap by inviting the community leaders onto your base, host them, show them around, and there's your entry point. You need to cultivate that.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah, I think you told me once that you ended up hosting a meeting on base and a number of the people who attended from the school district had never been on it.

MARK PAOLICELLI: That's right. That's right. Yeah. When we first started meeting with Dr. Duran, the base leaders came to him, to his office, for our first couple meetings, and then we hosted him on the base with his staff. We took them to the childcare daycare center and showed them around, and then also showed him [00:38:00] around where the residents were. And then hosted him for a meeting. And I believe a lunch on the base.

Yeah, that was a little surprising to me where people who've lived in Arlington County for decades have never been on the base before. They were never provided that opportunity.

So this is where I go back to the base leadership, and any base leaders out there listening, you need to recognize that and understand that there are your counterparts in your community. Who could be just like that, that they've never stepped foot on your base. So they don't know what you do, they don't know your population, they don't understand it. And it's your responsibility to break down those barriers and establish those relationships. And at least to build awareness, right?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Wow. So this podcast is called Practicing Connection and boy, did you guys ever practice it on this effort!

MARK PAOLICELLI: Well, it was a team effort. It definitely was a team effort, us and Arlington. And we couldn't have done it without compassionate people like Major General Peoples and Dulce, and at the [00:39:00] time Dr. Murphy. So yeah, I think it was a win all around.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Wow. Well thanks so much to you both for joining us, Dulce and Mark. I so enjoyed hearing this story and I really I feel like this could fill up multiple episodes with all the work you guys have done.

DULCE CARILLO: This is fun to relive. Thank you Mark, for inviting us and really bringing forward lessons because we're always onto the next issue, the next problem.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah.

DULCE CARILLO: And so I think that's gonna propel me forward now, because before the Purple Star point contact was a different person and I was the person going to the military meetings, but now I’m both.

So I'm so looking forward to continuing to partner with the military organizations that help us support students. And even with military people themselves. I think we have a couple of schools where we bring in [00:40:00] young military officers to support athletics and things in our schools.

I hope that we can expand that to build even deeper relations between us.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Ok, well, thanks again so much for joining us. Dulce Carrillo is Supervisor of Community Partnerships and Engagement at Arlington Public Schools in Virginia. And Mark Paolicelli is former deputy based commander for Joint Base Myer Henderson Hall. 

That's it for this episode. Thanks so much for joining us. If you enjoyed today's episode, click the share button in your podcast app to share it with a friend.[00:41:00]

CREDITS: The Practicing Connection Podcast is a production of OneOp and is supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, US Department of Agriculture and the Office of Military Family Readiness Policy, US Department of Defense under award number 2 0 2 3 4 8 7 74 3 3.