Navigate Transitions with Both/And Thinking

Are you feeling stuck in an either/or mindset during challenging transitions?

Discover how both/and thinking can help you lead with flexibility and compassion. 

In today's practice, Coral guides us through a transformative action that can bring more connection and possibility into your daily life. 

Co-hosts Jessica and Coral explore the concept of both/and thinking—a mindset that allows for multiple truths to coexist. 

This practical exercise will help listeners move beyond binary thinking, especially during times of tension or uncertainty. Learn how to embrace complexity, foster connection, and find a better path forward with both/and thinking. 

Plus, we invite you to share what's inspiring you right now!

Transcript

JESSICA BECKENDORF: [00:00:00] Hello, and thanks for listening to the Practicing Connection Podcast. I'm Jessica, my co-host Coral is here as well. Today we'll be exploring a mindset that can help you lead and navigate transitions with more flexibility and compassion, “both/thinking,” and Coral will be guiding us through a practice to help bring this to your day-to-day life.

Hi Coral.

CORAL OWEN: Hey Jessica, I'm so looking forward to sharing today's practice. How are things with you this week?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Pretty good. I'm still super energized from the Virtual Systems Thinking conference I attended last week. It was just really nice to listen in and learn new ways of thinking about how I approach my work. I'm usually the one creating the content, it seems lately in my role. So it was kind of nice just to be a listener and to just let my mind expand.

CORAL OWEN: That sounds like such a nice change of pace, and such an interesting topic to delve into. [00:01:00] It's been pretty low key here in Florida. A lot of summertime vibes, mercury's getting a little higher with the temperatures, and it's been really fun watching. We have the Monarch migration, and I know that we've talked about gardening on previous podcasts. So we've got milkweed in our yard, so there's a bunch of, you know, like different chrysalis and caterpillars and just a lot of fun things to look at on a daily basis, and just watch that progression.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Where do they migrate to and from?

CORAL OWEN: Canada from Mexico.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Oh, okay. And they stop in Florida on the way.

CORAL OWEN: They do. Yep.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: That's awesome, cool.

CORAL OWEN: It's pretty neat. So yeah, it, you know, inspiration can be found in a number of different places clearly, and we would love to hear what's inspiring our listeners. So if you'd like to share what's inspiring you, you can click the, “Send us a text message” at the top of the description of this episode. When you click the [00:02:00] link, your text messaging app will open.

You'll see a seven digit number and the words, “Do not remove.” Just type your message after that and click send. If you're listening on a computer, you can email us at practicingconnection@oneop.org instead. So let us know what’s inspiring you right now.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Let's learn more about the practice of both/and thinking. I've heard this term so much working at Extension. I have heard a lot of people say, “Oh, I think it's both, and this is a both/and kind of situation.” I used to hate this phrase, I don't anymore because I fully understand it now. But Coral, can you tell us a little more about the practice you'll be sharing and why you chose it?

CORAL OWEN: That's so funny that you mentioned that Jess. 'Cause I, similarly, I had heard it in passing conversation and be like, “What? What are they talking about? And I finally learned the concept and no longer have that sort of relationship with it that it sounded like jargon, right?

JESSICA BECKENDORF: It sounds like jargon. [00:03:00] Yeah.

CORAL OWEN: Exactly. So if this is you, if that's the boat you're in, hang in with us and maybe we can come about a mindset shift for you as well. But anyhow, yeah. Today's practice is one that has helped me not only professionally but personally, in really big ways and some pretty impactful seasons of life.

And particularly ones that have moments or prolonged seasons even of tension or uncertainty. And again, this is the, we're referencing both and thinking and/both. And thinking is simply the practice of making space for multiple truths or realities to exist at the same time. And it's a mindset. That helps us move beyond the binary, either/or thinking, especially during challenging transitions, when emotions and responsibilities and expectations tend to run pretty high.

So instead of saying, “I have to choose between being compassionate or being efficient,” a both/and [00:04:00] perspective of this might be, “I can be compassionate and keep things moving forward,” or, “This change is really hard.” And it might open up new possibilities or opportunities. I chose this practice because during change, it's really common for us to feel stuck in this kind of either or space.

But when we give ourselves and others room for this complexity and this nuance, kind of that gray space even, of the in-between, it can create more connection, more possibility, and usually results in a better path forward.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Yeah, I really love this, and one of the things that's sparking for me is, in some of the work that I've done before, with helping people sort of develop a more complete picture of other people. That's also, I feel like both-end thinking can probably be applied to thinking about others as well.

We had this game we would play in some of our workshops called pickles. And it was basically about how a person [00:05:00] might really hate pickles. That doesn't mean that you should look at them and say, “You're probably a really picky eater and you know, you probably will only eat McDonald's,” or, not that there's anything wrong with that, but, “You probably are a very picky eater.” 

No, no, no. Two things can be true. The person might hate pickles and also like kimchi, right? So they're both fermented products anyway, so it was a way of like opening your mind up to be less judgmental as well.

CORAL OWEN: I love that. I love that. So, yeah, let's go ahead and dig into how do we even do this. So this short, reflective practice is something that you can use when you notice yourself, or if you're leading a team, noticing your team getting stuck in this. A kind of rigid thinking rut, or maybe it's a high stress situation or polarized conversations that you're noticing are coming to pass.

So step one is, like we just said, you're noticing this either/or language. And what you should do or could do is [00:06:00] pause and ask yourself, “Am I framing the situation as a choice between two extremes?” Are there other strategies that you can use to help you notice or, you know, kind of looking out for keywords like always, never, should, either, or are these phrases or words showing up in the conversation once you've moved through this noticing phase.

Step two is to ask a both/and question, and we try reframing the scenario or the question or the conversation, from the space of curiosity. What if both of these things are true? What other perspectives or values are at play? How might I honor and recognize both what's hard and what's possible? 

And then step three is to turn it into a phrase or a statement, something along the lines of, these are simply a few examples, “I'm feeling [00:07:00] uncertain and I'm doing the best I can.” “This decision is urgent and we need to pause for clarity.” “I can be a strong leader and feel vulnerable right now.” 

You can do this in a variety of different formats or ways, depending on the space that you're in. You might write it in a journal. You might share it in a team meeting if the scenario calls for it, or just pause and reflect silently with yourself. And you know, really I think understanding that the goal here is not to resolve the tension immediately. It's really just to expand your awareness and recognition of what's actually true, and what might be possible when we stop trying to force a single answer.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Well, this is beautiful. It's a great explanation of both-end thinking and it reminds me of just how constructive this is, right when you might be feeling like you're in a very difficult position. This is just [00:08:00] something that builds.

CORAL OWEN: A hundred percent. And you know, whether you're leading your team or like me, you know, parenting a three-year-old toddler who has lots of opinions, you know, this can be highly, highly relevant and just a game changer in navigating any number of seasons or scenarios. And really, you know, overall just leaning into the humanness of these complex scenarios that sometimes can feel so high stakes.

It just lets us settle and ground in a bit, or a lot, and just feel more at ease about the process, and just recognizing and holding space for all of the things that are at hand.

JESSICA BECKENDORF: Hmm. Oh, wonderful. Thanks so much for that. 

That's it for this episode. Thanks for joining us. If you enjoyed this episode, click the share button in your podcast app to share it with a friend. We'll be back next week with [00:09:00] a new episode. Until then, keep practicing. 

CREDITS: The Practicing Connection podcast is a production of OneOp and is supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, U. S. Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Military Family Readiness Policy, U. S. Department of Defense, under award number 2023-48770-41333.