Move on From Mistakes with the 10-10-10 Rule

In this episode, hosts Coral and Jessica explore the 10-10-10 Rule, a simple yet powerful technique for gaining perspective on mistakes and decision-making.

 Jessica explains how this tool can be used to reflect on and move through errors without spiraling into panic. 

Tune in to learn how asking three simple questions can help you and your team navigate challenges with a clearer mindset. 

Don't forget to share what's inspiring you by using the "Send us a text message" feature or emailing practicingconnection@oneop.org. 

Transcript

Coral Owen: Hey there, thanks for listening to the Practicing Connection Podcast. I'm Coral. My co-host Jessica is here as well. Today we'll be talking about the 10-10-10 rule, and Jessica will be sharing a practice with us. Hey Jessica, how are you?

Jessica Beckendorf: Hey Coral, I'm doing pretty great, surprisingly, because I've been keeping pretty busy, probably too busy! 

Somehow it seems like all meetings and all deadlines and all, like, messages from people, whether it was text or email or different requests coming from all over the place, they all seem to converge on the last two weeks. And I've noticed this happening from time to time at different times of the year, and some of the times of year, I think, are sort of starting to become predictable.

So maybe I can use that as a planning tool. Maybe we'll talk about that in a future, in a future episode. But I think what's been really on my mind lately about this is that there isn't ever enough time to catch up, to like go all the way back to before these two weeks began, and to try to catch up on all the things. Even though I have like really good intentions to, or I even have tried. I've put forth some of my best effort to try to get caught up.

And I really had to accept that, and just keep doing my best. And as you know, you know, try not to apologize all the time for everything, because I think there's a lot of people who are also in this predicament, and I don't expect apologies from them. So, where one is necessary, I will do it. But otherwise, I'm just, I'm just doing my best, and I'm going to accept that in myself.

So that was really put to the test in the past couple of weeks. But the good news is that I've also been able to be active socially. So I haven't like totally cocooned myself in, in a, in a little bubble. And I think I've shared with you that, you know, that's kind of a goal of mine this year is to like notice that I actually am enjoying some social interactions and maybe savor those a little more.

So it's been, it's been a good month! 

Coral Owen: I'm sure a lot of folks can relate to that experience, Jessica. And I also think it's really important just to recognize, and I'm kind of coaching myself here as I reflect on this, you know, that we're oftentimes our own biggest critics. And so, you know, working with you, I've not noticed anything.

So, you know, it's just, I think it's important to remember that our self perspective is oftentimes not how it's viewed externally. So, but yeah, good on you for, for kind of striking that, that self grace balance. So, you know, something I've been embracing the last couple of weeks personally is this idea of "snacks."

You know me well, I love actual snacks, but these are more the figurative snacks, if you will. And so, you know, something that I've been looking and seeking throughout my days are these small pockets of time where, you know, if we leverage those, and I'm not talking about, you know, optimizing every single minute of your day, because we need time to decompress and whatnot, but kind of these time leaks that I tend to have a tendency to, you know, maybe scroll a little bit in between meetings or whatever. 

But, you know, instead of pulling out my phone or anything like that, you know, just going outside for a short walk down the block and back, you know, working remotely, being able to do something like that, taking the dog into the backyard for a few minutes and just enjoying the sunshine, a short stretch.

It's just really been a great habit to cultivate for myself. And I'm finding that I'm resetting a little bit better, having a little bit more mental freshness, as I roll into whatever task or meeting or conversation I'm, you know, tackling next. It just feels good. 

Jessica Beckendorf: I really love this idea of "time snacks." I'm going to call them time snacks from now on. And I do them, but I think it would be helpful for me to just start setting some like alarms for like, "Hey, try to do a time snack right now, if you can, or maybe in a few minutes," if you need to. Because during the two weeks I was just talking about that were just bonkers, my schedule was terrible.

I mean, on a Friday, I had 15 minutes of like, time to myself. This isn't a complaint or anything. It's just like the way things shook out. There were some deadlines, there were just some things that needed to happen. But that on a Friday, having only 15 minutes to yourself should not happen. So I think I probably could have found some little moments, some of these snacks to include.

Coral Owen: Yeah, Yeah.

Jessica Beckendorf: So in a note, for those of you who don't live in a sunshiny state, that you can also do time snacks inside if you want to. Like, I've gone for a walk around my house, which sounds super boring, but when you have a really cute dog, who's like, "Mom, what are you doing? What are you doing? Let me follow you!" It's actually kind of fun too. 

Coral Owen: That's awesome. So we'd love to hear what's inspiring you all, our listeners, so please share what's inspiring you by clicking the send us a text message at the top of this description of this episode. When you click the link, your text messaging app will open and you'll see a seven digit number and the words "do not remove."

Type your message after that and click send. Don't remove that number or we won't receive your message!. To protect your privacy, we won't see your phone number and we can't text you back, but we'll share your feedback on a future episode. 

If you're listening on a computer, you can also email us at practicingconnection@oneop.org. 

So let us know it's inspiring you right now.

- break -

Coral Owen: Let's learn more about the 10 10 10 rule.

Jessica, can you give us a little bit more about the practice you'll be sharing today and why you chose it? 

Jessica Beckendorf: Absolutely. This is actually a recent find for me. So it's called the 10-10-10 rule, and it can be used for a lot of different purposes. I've chosen to focus for the purpose of this Practicast on using it to move through and reflect on a mistake.

We often talk about having a growth mindset on this podcast and so this would be one really great practice to help you develop that growth mindset. So I first read about it in a book. I have read more that it's been around for longer than this book, this book just came out last year, but I first read about it in a book I'm reading called Feel Good Productivity by Ali Abdaal.

I've been following Ali for a while because I appreciate his calm approach to pretty much anything. He was a doctor before deciding to step away from that, so maybe his training had something to do with that. And I'll admit, I was a little skeptical about the book, even though I enjoy Ali's work, because the name seems to support toxic productivity, or at least that was what I thought.

"Toxic productivity" is essentially like where we push ourselves and keep telling ourselves that we can do more, to the point where we begin to damage our physical and mental health. The title of the book made me worry that it was just a little bit of a reframing of hustle culture, but I was wrong. It turns out that the vibe is way different than that, and it's full of really great little easy to implement nuggets like the 10-10-10 rule.

You may have noticed that I haven't told you exactly what the rule is, and that's because it is so simple. And we're about to give you exactly what the practice is. It is so simple that I would just give it all away right now, but I wanted to mention before we get into the practice that it's because of its simplicity that I've found it easy to implement right away.

Like I've had no problems implementing this because it's easy to remember to do. 

Coral Owen: That sounds great. So can you walk us through the steps? 

Jessica Beckendorf: Yes, I will actually tell you what the practice is right now! So like I said, I think this might be one of the simplest practice that I've ever shared. Here's what you do. When you or your team has made a mistake, or you could even right now think about a mistake that you made recently or in the last year or so.

Ask yourself the following three questions to help you reflect and move forward. First question, will this matter in 10 minutes? Second, will this matter in 10 days? And the third question is, will this matter in 10 years? 

What do you do when the answer is yes to one of those? In the moment, you might be like, "Yes, this is going to matter in 10 minutes. Like, I'm still going to feel really embarrassed." That's really going to depend on the situation. And it's a moment for you to think strategically about what to do next instead of panicking, right? So asking yourself these questions in the moment will provide some perspective and give you a moment to stop spiraling, or to stop your brain from spiraling.

But many times, and I would say quite often, the answer is going to be no. If you're really thinking about this and you're, you're taking a moment to pause, it's going to be no to all three of those questions. All the time, maybe not. It might be that it's going to matter in 10 years. I mean, depending on that situation, you will need to then take that moment, "Okay. This is going to matter in 10 years. Who does it affect? Who do I need to talk to right now so that we can start pivoting and adjusting," right? 

But so many times that answer is going to be no to all three of those questions. At least that's what I've noticed so far. And maybe I'm just extra hard on myself, I don't know. But I've noticed that the answer is often no, and it has been a really cool practice. 

Coral Owen: I love this. It sounds to me like such a great way to help us let go of things that may seem weighty at first, but really just to let go and then to hold onto the things that truly are going to impact, you know, the future, and then figuring out how do we handle those chunky problems, but letting go of the things that maybe are a little less critical.

I love that.

Jessica Beckendorf: I love that. And I can tell you about one other way I've used this is, I tend to be a little hard on myself when I have interactions with people. And sometimes after I'll be like, "Why did you say that? That was so stupid." And I have actually used this activity to help me kind of think through that.

And it's been just a really valuable practice. 

Coral Owen: That's awesome. I would love to hear what other people find use and utility for this practice and how they're implementing it. 

So that's it for this episode. Thanks for joining us. If you enjoyed this episode, click the share button in your podcast app to share it with a friend.

We'll be back next week with a practice for reframing failures as learning opportunities. Until then, keep practicing. 

Credits: The Practicing Connection podcast is a production of OneOp and is supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, U. S. Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Military Family Readiness Policy, U. S. Department of Defense, under award number 2023-48770-41333.